Good Fear, Bad Fear

"Fear has its use but cowardice has none." ~ Gandhi

good fear, bad fear, every fear
is real until you act heart's tear
don't let disappointment shatter
passions kindled by forever
love strong enough to melt the coldest insincere
thought and never give in to the good fear, bad fear

this fear, bridle its energy
create absolute symmetry
with the paths that take you forward
choices that gravitate toward
every hope, every dream, drempt while idle
the energy created by this fear, bridle

Misery

"An angry man opens his mouth and shuts his eyes." ~ Cato

your anger,
found an easy target.
is it convenient to chastise me?
to sentence me to the misery you can't hide?
i'm no saint, here to carry your cross
my blood isn't pure enough
never was

Not Even Rest

"Boredom: the desire for desires." ~ Leo Tolstoy

no catastrophes to write of
not even love
or manic highs
or even lies

no schemes to weave together now
don't take a bow
a dream escapes
my thoughts reshape

to float freely with clouds so white
calmness so tight
around my chest
not even rest

Forget Longing

"The act of longing for something will always be more intense than the requiting of it." ~ Gail Godwin

that time common caress formed something high
around you to address touch with a sigh
thrown pleasantries! thrown pleasantries!
only float inland in degrees
ever true pulsations land easily
thrown pleasantries float breezily

those which are lost differ not more says you
half touch does not blister any more too
forget longing! forget longing!
want for nothing, gain everything
be able to bloom messily in dreams
forget longing, for eternity screams

A Lovely Breeze

"Reason, I sacrifice you to the evening breeze." ~  Aime Cesaire

motors whip by in a rhythm
drivers are hurried to become
first at the beach and recover
letting the breeze be a lover

the intonations of summer fun
ocean waves ripple as winds hum
birds squawk, flapping wings to hover
letting the breeze be a lover

jellyfish dance near the calm shore
oblivious tourists explore
hermit crabs float in, uncover
letting the breeze be a lover

Ink on Fingers

"Yesterday's just a memory, tomorrow is never what it's suppose to be." ~ Bob Dylan

ink stains on crisp paper shrink
shrink intangible tales to ink
stained fibers to touch contained
contained strands of thought stained
fingers feel what the eye sees lingers
lingers pleasantly real now on fingers

Disintegration of America

If you could name one thing (person, place, event, etc.) to symbolize the disintegration of America (the U.S.), what would it be?

Sticky Sweet Affection

"As the twig is bent, the tree inclines." ~ Virgil

choose warmth to follow
nourishment
an advantageous direction
give me rain to swallow
i am bent
towards sticky sweet affection

thoughts can cool desire
stumble in
mislead the smartest of the bunch
let's kindle the fire
with some gin
leave reason to follow a hunch

not looking for nothing
but a smile
need tears of laughter to free me
don't need prayers or a wing
for awhile
anyway, i just need to be

My Own Mind

"All has been looted, betrayed, sold; black death's wing flashed ahead." ~ Anna Akhmatova

in possession of my own mind
who but i could be on trial
every friend, then, waits the while
judgment falls to myself to find

tears in earnest, because they're blind
every fault that i compile
in possession of my own mind
who but i could be on trial

hang myself, the orders i sign
nothing can save but a smile
save for want of a just style
that is taken by the refined
in possession of my own mind

Us

"He is the true enchanter, whose spell operates, not upon the senses, but on the imagination and the heart." ~  Washington Irving

whispers of tempos in a journey

vibrations of flux in a song

snapshots of living reveal

bittersweets to melt hearts

perfumes pervade as

memories twist

together

to part

us

Freedom to Dream

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." ~ Jim Morrison

freedom is nipping at my heels
so close, it's outright intimate
i don't even have to commit

as fear surrounds, a dream reveals
itself, bits and pieces of life
friends mixed in with a little strife

longings weathered as the paint peels
time being a cruel caretaker
needing a miracle maker

so old, these cracked, collapsed ideals
so thin, surprising even me
need rose-colored glasses to see

is it how chasing a dream feels
exhilaratingly tangent
and yet a little circumvent

Have I Told You?

"Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Have I told you?
Have I told you about
the wonderful mother
I was blessed with?
I had her for the first
16 years of my life.

Have I told you?
Have I told you about
a friend's mother who
took me under her wing
shortly after and I had her
for the next 22 years of my life?

Have I told you?
Have I told you about
my best friend?
I've had her in my life
for 25 years now.

Have I told you?
Have I told you that while
I make a mess of my life,
I have angels that come
and drag me back up
each and every time
I throw myself on
the ground in defeat?

Have I told you?
Have I told you that
out of gratitude for my mother,
my best friend's mother,
my best friend, my angels
and all the other beautiful people
that choose to share
their life with me,
I am going to pick myself up
and march forward,
head high, heart strong,
and enjoy my life?

Well I guess I have told you now.

Old Friend

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

i will

be kind to you

always remember me

fondly, i will remember us

old friend

Oh Happy Day

"When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." ~ Mae West
 

(...this one might sound good while strummin' a guitar...)

i fell in the pits and shattered to bits

i’m just a low-down clown that wears a frown

a moody, morose, weepin’ willow tree

crestfallen me is a sad sight indeed, oh

i broke my nail and i yelled like hell and

then you left to get away from the rest

of my hollerin’ and my bawlin' too,

you are a crummy dummy and ugly

to boot; I’m gonna scoot your stinkin’

jukebox off the first cliff of rocks I find,

watch it fall down and down and hit the ground,

shatter to bits and turn my frown upside

down, and mend my nail with a chunk of your

down-in-the dumps rump, oh happy day, yay.

Luck

"Be grateful for luck. Pay the thunder no mind - listen to the birds. And don't hate nobody." ~ Eubie Blake
 
nice
to hear
your laughter
and i'm grateful
to be able to hear heaven today

Unsustainable

"Independence? That's middle class blasphemy. We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth."~ George Bernard Shaw

the rich texture of your touch is what i seek
the general health of me determined by
the contingency of your lips on my cheek
defenseless against the pressure of your sigh
vulnerable, subjected to being weak,
counting on you to take me on a high
controlled by addiction, i want to break free
this feeling being unsustainable for me

Drought

"Violence is like a weed, it does not die even in the greatest drought." ~ Simon Wiesenthal

drowning in profound rain we were sated,
rarely wanting, never dreaming, of a drought,
one shouldn’t let others carry their keeping,
use them for their insatiable, selfish needs
guilt hung in those raindrops; the sated tension
honored feelings, now just fallen memories 

that scream of droughts promised by eternity

Avoidance Land

although good at avoiding, i make my way
writing myself of all things desirable
i push to have that too, my very own say

although that is sometimes undefinable
i’m half between my unfinished tomorrows
finding mine, here tonight…unreliable

so to accept, i write of feelings, sorrows
annoyed that i’ve hate too…hmmm…under cover
of poetry, and tonight a dream borrows

calm from a swing, restlessness, it does hover
want too is here to play, but i’m okay and
move on to even things out with a lover

who happens to have a drink to help me stand
upright in my sweet little avoidance land

Waterfall

water cascades over rock

          tearing down what dwells

             now to grains of sand that were

                                there before the swells

                                     looming lusty massiveness

                                                crusts of earth above

                                                  shelters me enfolds protects

                                                                   gifts of water love

My Smile

my smile lured you to my lair
hinting of a light affair
alien each others world
our banter tumbled out and swirled

that night you gently touched my hair
my smile lured you to my lair
our days were filled our nights were free
wasn't long you conquered me

precious was my time with you
the minutes, hours seemed so few
my smile lured you to my lair
was not what caused you not to care

not wanting loss again my love
my smile faded and you tired of
the worry frown on my face so fair
my smile lured you to my lair

Boots

i just bought myself a new pair of boots

to kick your ass right out of my life now

cause your indifference only refutes

i just bought myself a new pair of boots

have other things to do, other pursuits

never liked your attitude anyhow

i just bought myself a new pair of boots

to kick your ass right out of my life now

A Wedding Band

the sweetest love i knew with you
charming musical notes for two
our weekends were not long enough
to satisfy our love and lust

both wanting to be saved by each
no wonder that we failed to reach
happily ever after and
a fairy tale with a wedding band

the miles did not matter much
though impatient for each others touch
you packed me up and took me with
my life before seemed just a myth

both wanting to be saved by each
no wonder that we failed to reach
happily ever after and
a fairy tale with a wedding band

having only you to comfort me
a burden i would come to be
i will not forget that awful night
you let me go after our last fight

both wanting to be saved by each
no wonder that we failed to reach
happily ever after and
a fairy tale with a wedding band

but we loved each other true and deep
our memories i'll forever keep
though that was then and long ago
i cherish that you helped me grow

both wanting to be saved by each
no wonder that we failed to reach
happily ever after and
that fairy tale and wedding bands

Seasons of Dust

born with a want of most
we scream to be heard
above the sirens of others
neediness, what is left
for me, want want need
nothing any more or any
less than what there is
under that tree, roots
to keep you fed and
strong don't want what
isn't possible because
disappointment can drive
you crazy girl, be resourceful
and turn that dirt until you
find what it is you can use,
satisfy your hunger with
creative frugality now
survival can be romantic
and magic can be practical
seasons of dust, let the
fire cleanse you, don't
hold on to dry rocks
that leave you aching
for a little nourishment
when there is a waft
of moisture in the air
look up and reach for
a cloud.

Toxins of Hate

blood boils from the toxins of hate
quickly cauterizing tiny nerves
blocking us from our friendship with fate
realities are shadowy curves

quickly cauterizing tiny nerves
destroying abilities to feel
realities are shadowy curves
only forgiveness will let you heal

destroying abilities to feel
hate must be absolutely released
only forgiveness will let you heal
allow you to grasp the world at least

hate must be absolutely released
as you absolve yourself of your sins
allow you to grasp the world at least
and you can shed your dead outer skins

as you absolve yourself of the sins
blocking you from your friendship with fate
and you can shed your dead outer skins
blood boils from the toxins of hate

Sacrificial Me

didn't hold a ceremony
for the sacrificial lonely
traded you for all t'was phony
as i began to die slowly

now my heart is barely beating
wish to resurrect a meeting
with yourself, however fleeting
life without you is defeating

left defenseless, always in doubt
you are the soul that i'm without
introverted, bashful and stout
you were what i was all about

now a ceremony i seek
while not assured of the technique
my blood i'll shed for your mystique
and on my knees i do weep

Taunts

with a dismissal, i crumble
the repeated pattern of it
setting myself up for it
for rejection after rejection
unceasingly picking at a wound
open, moving, falling under

letting it absorb me into its depths
and i sit here and wonder

how i can continually hurt myself
over and over and over
never stopping, never letting up
waiting for the ultimate elimination.
that severing of a friendship
and knowing that i deserve it

because i set myself up
reaching out in a momentary fit

the itch was too strong,
the depression too deep
the habit too ingrained in me
at this point in my life
and for once i prefer the silence
to an answer because i don't want

a bad answer, the wrong answer
to my game, my constant taunt

a game that i keep losing
i can't sit with these bad feelings.
i can't sit with good ones either.
i'm hyper-vigilant trying to
calm down, cheer up, chill out
anything other than what i'm feeling

never allowed to just sit and encounter
never allowed to give into any healing