Have I Told You?

"Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Have I told you?
Have I told you about
the wonderful mother
I was blessed with?
I had her for the first
16 years of my life.

Have I told you?
Have I told you about
a friend's mother who
took me under her wing
shortly after and I had her
for the next 22 years of my life?

Have I told you?
Have I told you about
my best friend?
I've had her in my life
for 25 years now.

Have I told you?
Have I told you that while
I make a mess of my life,
I have angels that come
and drag me back up
each and every time
I throw myself on
the ground in defeat?

Have I told you?
Have I told you that
out of gratitude for my mother,
my best friend's mother,
my best friend, my angels
and all the other beautiful people
that choose to share
their life with me,
I am going to pick myself up
and march forward,
head high, heart strong,
and enjoy my life?

Well I guess I have told you now.

Seasons of Dust

born with a want of most
we scream to be heard
above the sirens of others
neediness, what is left
for me, want want need
nothing any more or any
less than what there is
under that tree, roots
to keep you fed and
strong don't want what
isn't possible because
disappointment can drive
you crazy girl, be resourceful
and turn that dirt until you
find what it is you can use,
satisfy your hunger with
creative frugality now
survival can be romantic
and magic can be practical
seasons of dust, let the
fire cleanse you, don't
hold on to dry rocks
that leave you aching
for a little nourishment
when there is a waft
of moisture in the air
look up and reach for
a cloud.

Grounded

energy high
don't think i love him
went for our run
drinking a beer
outdoors on a beautiful day
wishing he would call
making my own way
feel the breeze
sometimes wonder
doesn't seem complicated
to be selfish
birds chirping
sun setting
typing away nothings
trying to get a bit of art
a little bit of soul
a bit of wisdom
while out and about
sun is setting
birds are chirping
breeze is flowing
i think about him
i think about past loves
i think about surreal feelings
i wonder how a change in perception
can cause the whole world
to seem alien
right now the world seems right
i want to always see the world this way
to feel grounded

Melancholic

if there is any war worth fighting,
it should be the war to destroy
the melancholic disease that lies
latent or active in us all.

Sin

 "How shall I lose the sin, yet keep the sense, and love the offender, yet detest the offense?" ~ Alexander Pope

you accuse and i deny
but guilt weighs me down
and i can't look you in the eye.
i trade my innocence of now
for my shame of then
and now it feels like
i've doubled my sin.

Restless

"A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow." ~ Charlotte Bronte

My restlessness is pushing at me again. It's time for a major change or a depression. So, I choose change. I want to spend my time encouraging people with psychiatric issues to express themselves creatively as an emotional outlet. That's the general idea anyway. I'll probably start with volunteer work. I have to research what's available in the area.

An ignorance weighs down my soul
A yearning dribbles from my bones
Frustration screams along the floors
And obstinacy roosts itself
Beside my good intentions and
I know it's time.

As ideation stagnates here
A tide's amiss, and beckons me
To follow into choppy seas
And float above the desert lands
A wind to chase away the blues
I know it's time.

Past Loves

"All you need is love." ~ John Lennon

I remember a kiss beside a piped fence,
a forbidden dance, rebelled against.
I remember a rose and eleven more,
a desk defaced with silly discourse.

Do you remember our trek in nature's glen,
a birdsong among desire's last yen?
Do you remember the day we called in sick,
loving each other from noon till six?

I remember treasures you gifted to me,
the cheesy trinkets, of me you'd see.
I remember my hammock from which we fell,
our sweet giggle fits and laughter's swell.

Do you remember playing at midnight late,
a park, on a slide, on our first date?
Do you remember our gourmet dinner feast,
beget by you, devoured by me?

...p.s. nostalgia is a beautiful place to visit from time to time. these sweet memories are like adornments. precious lace to run through your fingers and rub against your cheek when you get the itch. they adorn the present, as we use their patterns to weave new delicate memories...adding today to our collection of yesteryear.

Expanded Awareness

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." ~ Aldous Huxley

dancing happily inside my brain
a dozen new doors swing open before me.

words are waltzing across my body as
the pain of being birthed still lingers.

endearing. passionate. scarred.
disappointments swim in time with hopes.

his art bleeds.

happily confusion reigns here now while
sounds tap out a pattern in my flesh.

Valentine

"Certainly tears are given to us to use." ~ Loretta Young

...someone gave me a present
   beautifully wrapped...
ribbons, bows, sparkles,
   confetti, tissue paper...
...extravagant and tempting
   as i opened the box...
...my breath escaped and
   the most beautiful lace...
...crushed to dust
   tragedy bore itself inside of me...

Dream Vignettes

"Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." ~ Carl Jung

she changes my course, casting characters, setting stages;
she weaves myths from the whispers in my world,
she navigates and begs me to follow...

her to where i begin;
her love infinite,
her patience vast...

revealing characters of me,
revealing instincts of me;
revealing me to me...
she changes my course.