Abstruse

Always wanting the remarkable
Believing, too, in the impossible
Striving for perfection every day
Truly chaotic in every way
Undeterred by another's ambition
Seemingly propelled by self volition
Ever a mystery to me you will be

Cat Toys

Lizards, birds,
garden snakes,
crickets found

half alive
or dead,
sometimes whole,
mostly not.

Madness

What can you say about madness? The varieties of it are endless. Most people are afraid of it and some relate it to genius.  Some just enjoy reading about it as a form of entertainment. Maybe madness is equal to an unquenchable boredom. A restlessness that refuses to roam. That is madness. What if the key to regaining peace of mind is simply to stay continuously busy? Leaving no time for thinking, one would be a machine and wouldn’t have the time or energy to malfunction. Are we all machines left over from a more primitive world? Maybe madness was born with sentience. The more introspective the person, the more insane one is likely to be? An idle mind can be torture. Has the human race been programmed to always seek entertainment? When entertainment is lacking, there are always pills.

            Madness is boredom and boredom is misery. Is this is why the insane commit suicide? They are locked into a miserable existence. The only way to quench boredom is to find a new obsession. Always seeking something new that stimulates enough to get obsessed with it until gorged, then sated, it’s tossed away and one becomes mad, or bored, yet again. So boredom is hunger. A hunger for something new.

Falling

you fall over yourself anew
anew to your senses you
jump over the moon with a bump
bump in the night with a jump
of fright as you fall in love
love being you a part of

Karma

look the mirror through
what a horrid sight
wicked and blue

karma says to you
think before a fight
good souls are few

ugliness, who knew?
is now a birthright
a stone you threw

will come back to you
what a bloody bite
karma pays your due

keep a vigil and brew
a beautiful light
a special hue

because karma does accrue
either way, day or night
she will get you
and she bites too

Face the Day

there was a time

i was fearless

nowadays i’m

just cheerless

life has thrown

a few curve balls

blindsided me

and made me crawl

i’m gun shy now

don’t ask me how

to face the day

to make the way

but there’s something

that gets me through

and undercurrent

of courage too

and laughter finds

it’s way to me

on rainy days

it helps me see

but I’m gun shy now

don’t ask me how

to face the day

to make the way

i’m just a bit gun shy now

i don’t know how

i face the day

and make my way

Waltz

inside my brain a dozen doors

swing open before me

as the pain of birth lingers

words waltz across my body

endearingly passionately scarred

disappointments on fingers

words waltz across my body

as the pain of birth lingers

confusion reigns while sounds

with hope bleed happily

as the pain of birth lingers

words waltz across my body

a pattern tapped into my flesh

with the sharp end of a stinger

words waltz across my body

as the pain of birth lingers

Sensitivity

someone once gave me a present

beautifully wrapped with ribbons

inside, sparkly confetti, tissue

t’was extravagant and tempting

and as i unwrapped this present

my breath escaped in awe of it

and the most delicate lace crushed

and tragedy was born with a fit

such fervid sensitivity

a curse for some, a gift too

when high, the lows seem alien

the winds blow and sadness will sigh

when manic dreams die, dejected

memories build foundations to climb

beautiful aspirations will

shine rays into the gray of time

step through the looking glass again

let the wind jostle you forward

sweet rest is a memory now

take a stretch, step it up and act

control your happy and grow hopeful

where do you go with your new strength

get away from the others’ show

of ego, learn your song in length

you forever are and will be

fitful emotions of neglect

embrace a crippled soul that’s blessed

in a privileged environment

some patience realized will save you

and time dispels the sinister

dance happy and joyful spasms

ignore the inner minister

Storms

storms emoting inside of me

as are weathered, floating, wet things

storms emoting inside of me

nothing to do, with these i sing

during the night when rest alludes

as are weathered, floating, wet things

errands forgotten and i brood

my dreams haunted mercilessly

during the night when rest alludes

changing my course permanently

setting stages with characters

my dreams haunted mercilessly

myths weaved from whispered messengers

navigating and begging me

setting stages with characters

that i follow to where they see

navigating and begging me

storms emoting inside of me

storms emoting inside of me

Uncooked

be present at this one moment

and feel what it’s like to just be

alive now, raw, uncooked, potent

bloody to look at, not easy

and feel what it’s like to just be

find again where your secrets hide

bloody to look at, not easy

put them under a tree and sigh

find again where your secrets hide

smile at the stranger that nods

put them under a tree and sigh

we are all in our best facades

smile at the stranger that nods

controlled behavior might freak out

we are all in our best facades

so what if I broke the devout

controlled behavior might freak out

defy courtesy and live free

so what if I broke the devout

illogical screamed in the street

defy courtesy and live free

would you please take my hand and run

illogical screamed in the street

run away with me and have fun

would you please take my hand and run

light a bonfire with secrets

run away with me and have fun

bind my secret shame and forget

light a bonfire with secrets

your secret shame, let go of it

bind my secret shame and forget

I hold you, we dance in a fit

your secret shame, let go of it

be present at this one moment

I hold you, we dance in a fit

alive now, raw, uncooked, potent

Smoke Screen

love is a beautiful smoke screen
demanding your heart forever
dressed in kindness, selfish and keen
love is a beautiful smoke screen
she'll entrance with her golden sheen
a minx, she is ever clever
love is a beautiful smoke screen
demanding your heart forever

My Turtle Dove

what is this feeling that devours me?

can’t stand being a brat always in need.

the pain! the pain! mixed so sweetly

with memories so completely

alive with passionate sensations so

the pain is bittersweet to me you know

the skies are gray when you leave me my love

the flowers lose their hue my turtle dove

the gray! the gray! drives me crazy

i do nothing,  become lazy

waiting for your return to wash away

the gray as i beg you to always stay

Birds Chirp

birds chirp
cars swoosh and clank
little pairs of feet click
leaves crackle and rustle to life
the cicadas song is a symphony
i rock back and forth in this chair
enjoying vibrations
of the morning
birds chirp

On the Run

hearts flutter to the sound of you
makes beats skip too, those eyes askew
who's kisses blew your way, undue
winning you few, winning you few

tears run rivers, souls quite quiver
a new giver will deliver
you take, whisper, just a sliver
quake and shiver, quake and shiver

common souls lose when you do choose
to light a fuse and take a muse
you leave them used with a faint bruise
egos accuse, egos accuse

so leave me one favor undone
a fever spun, a loaded gun
to miss you none, for future fun
you're on the run, you're on the run

A Fight

it is not the destination
but the journey, the road, the chase
the movement it's own sensation
a fight for a life in this place

bones seemingly made of cement
weigh one down in this shallow race
small triumphs along the way spent
a fight for a life in this place

a symptom, temporary mood
keep keeping on, one must save face
youth, health, beauty, plenty of food
a fight for a life in this place

give thanks, enjoy the small things now
advice given to up the pace
take a pill to help, don't ask how
a fight for a life in this place

your chemistry will change one day
soon happiness will pain erase
until its return to raise pay
a fight for a life in this place

Remembrance

the stars

and stripes alive

flying across the sky

exploding in remembrance of

freedom

River Bed

blocked from

the river bed

nutrients hard to find

in other places so i long

for it

Create

freedom to create beauty
haunting terror too
with a line drawn here or there
curves, straight, something new

crash out of the patterns with
a slash or two few
and remember nothing taught
saturate, imbue

Taffy

sticky sweet taffy thinning
as you tug at it
strings of my heart get higher
more likely to hit

notes that shatter precious glass
strands of it stick to
fingers and face now bleeding
from the want of you

Creek

the branches wind until they find sunshine
and entwine intricately, intimately,
infinitely, creating a private riot
in the quiet of the hooded woods

the stream snakes to break and awake
an ache in us thus creating
a rush to the wet shores, the water's floor
we adore sitting in it on rocks or by it on docks

the sun will dance per chance entrance
and enhance our stay today
this way we will climb down a hill
enjoy the still of the creek that we seek

Struck

fresh paint to taint a saint
don't faint when he woos you
to come here my dear
never fear for love is of

a sacred world with curled and swirled
meanings hurled to and fro which glow
so very bright with a fright
you might find luck and be struck

Minutes Loitered

time elapsed wave by wave
hours lost here
minutes loitered carelessly there
memories were to save
with a tear
the rules of time are never fair

something of us choked
to the death
yet wisps of us linger today
pictures with stains cloaked
a mere breath
to whisper our romance away

a broken bone to end
our wee song
a tangible reminder of
the fairy tale spent
sometimes wrong
yet with undeniable love

Feeling

lava boils within
my thin veins
anger awakening my pulse
a lover's kiss akin
to pride slain
jilted lovers act on impulse

there was little life left
pale heartbeat
cold ashen skin before the pain
enraging me you're deft
hurt concrete
thankful for feeling life again

natural chemical
emotion
inner medicine for the soul
wonderful terrible
commotion
occasional loss of control

Chin a Trippin'

been impatient always
in too big a hurry
chin a trippin' on it
spin my wheels with worry

never appreciate
whenever time rides
clever serenity
sever me from that guide

Fight To Stay

how thin and transparent reality seems
alone in the dark of night i am fragile
so easily i could follow the moon beams

but they scare me into staying for awhile
to fight for a life other people cherish
the only easy thing, this inverted smile

my entire world seems easy to perish
so weak is my hold on this silky life line
i hold on to escape what i fear hellish

my soul is not up for someone else to dine
i want to stay here, please give me a good sign

Pawn

your shadow ripples in the pond
moonlight casts an ivory bond
flat and silky without a sound
you leave me charmingly spellbound; i'm just your pawn

Take Sunshine

i'll have to take sunshine
in the place of rain
as my freckles strain
for a place on my face to align

i watch the sky for a sign
search for a little white stain
i'll have to take sunshine
in the place of rain

there is always something to pine
a complaint to feign
sympathy to gain
so, i'll just sit and sip my wine
i'll have to take sunshine

Esteem Thyself

self

esteem

would oft scream

when confronted

with the want of loves dream

they refused to share my heart's bed

when frequently, affection wasn't fed

i would always put my esteem upon a shelf

leaving my soul an empty haunted shed

like this, life is wanting for dead

myself i must redeem

when confronted

i shan't scream

esteem

self

Toil to Sleep

failure's a faithful companion
always there to justify doubt
perseverance's assassin
she will always give you an out
tears will awake her compassion
all you must do is sit and pout
winning's never a guarantee
but toil will always let you sleep

Wishing

where does the wishing get you?
stuck between two rocks
when do dreams come true?

only when you introduce something new
break away the safety locks
where does the wishing get you?

when am i allowed my due?
tired of following the flocks
when do dreams come true?

treasures i have but few
all i hear are the ticking of clocks
where does the wishing get you?

i'm just waiting on a clue
tired of building with blocks
when do dreams come true?

when will he come to woo?
and knock me off my socks?
where does the wishing get you?
when do dreams come true?

Freedom Being Relative

time walks with the snails
sound is a ghost in here
a hum or rattle or click
yet comes to life outside
singing with the birds
rustling with the leaves

walls imprison the spirit
that longs to hang on the eaves

there's a tap, clip, tap
while searching for time's
quicker companion
in a box where sound
is resurrected through
digital streams of infinity

the rabbit runs too quick
to ever find divinity

while stuck inside a box
i search a box of magic
for a life that lives
outside in a sphere
of gases and minerals
i feel i might be falling

down the rabbit hole
into a life to my life's stalling

to run away into the wild
live with the animals
sing with the birds
to let time tap out its
very own rhythm
in the sphere of gases

freedom being relative
to all of humanity's masses

The Stars Are Unkind

the stars are unkind
life is emptiness
the stars are unkind

why this existance
filled with constant strife
life is emptiness

i want to trade life
for a beauty not
filled with constant strife

a soothing calm sought
by my soul right now
for a beauty not

filled with hurt anyhow
yet life's beauty is felt
by my soul right now

strife, emptiness melt
the stars are unkind
yet life's beauty is felt
the stars are unkind

Being Treasures

thoughts of you slip in from time to time
presenting themselves proudly
being treasures and bringing pleasures
they whisper, never speaking loudly

memories warm my frigid body
reigniting the embers
bringing pleasures and being treasures
body tingles as it remembers

our passions shared with loving respect
in the beginning we both
being treasures and bringing pleasures
an affair made of and crushed from growth

Tonight

tonight
holds promise of
tactile attachments pure
heart bestowed inadvertently
whilst exchanging cerebral pleasantries
enchanted simplistic evening
interlaced blossoming
friendships transcend
tonight

Story Shivers

story shivers alone falling
machine studies recent bent
love surprise other hope gazing
story shivers alone falling
morning rises of splendid sting
metal being eyes more absent
story shivers alone falling
machine studies recent bent

Gonna Work Anyhow

just want a reflection from you
of a me that doesn't vanish on cue
frighteningly transparent me
relying on you to see

a shadow behind me won't do
i need to see the colors, the hue
in your eyes, in your smile
to feel that this is worthwhile

so look at me now
we're gonna to work anyhow
take a look here and see
your reflection in me

whispers get lost in the breeze
they're only meant to tease
scream so i can hear your voice
tell me i've made the right choice

so look at me now
we're gonna to work anyhow
take a look here and see
your reflection in me

Fevers

a vexatious mood
carved from my own flesh
creates symphonic
melodramas from
nerves taut with fevers
from exotic rum
drank from life's chalice
continuous strum

a puppet with strings
tempers orchestrate
dances hedonic
as my body swings
like a pendulum
iridescent pings
left wanting a hum
in place of the drum

Fiction, Page 2

He bought me a drink the next time I ran across him, and I thanked him rather shyly. I was in love with him, no longer caring or even believing that he had ever followed me. A fairy tale in the making, I took him home.

I awoke the next morning to find him beside me in my bed. His brown hair disheveled, his eyes barely open, he smiled. "Good morning beautiful." I just lay there looking at him. I couldn't remember a thing about the night before after we got to my apartment and I was terrified, and dizzy. I returned his smile to stave off any awkward conversation between us, not really knowing if my voice would come out steady.

I rolled over and snuggled up to him while pretending to go back to sleep, hoping that the dizziness would subside. I counted the drinks in my head from the night before: three. Only three drinks, this was not a hangover. Last night was not a blackout, but yet it was.

There was no doubt in my mind that we had made love. My brain may have lost the memory of it, but my body had not. I was scared that something was terribly wrong with me. Never once did I believe that he had anything to do with my memory lapse.



In the following weeks, he called on me often, taking me to dinner, to the movies, even silly shopping sprees. When we weren't together, we were texting each other the mundane details of our days. When we weren't in public together, we were exploring each other in the bedroom. He seemed to worship my body and in return my body ached for his. I all but forgot about the black out episodes, life was good.

One month into the affair, he came clean about being married. He had picked me up that evening with a dozen roses in  hand. He took me to my favorite Indian restaurant to celebrate our one month anniversary. It wasn't until I was snuggled safely in his arms that night that he told me what I thought was the truth about his other life.

Thoughts Cling

thoughts spin shimmering webs that cling
in the corners of muddled minds
they feed idea's other wing
survival of the fittest kinds

in the corners of muddled minds
carcasses of a gentler time
survival of the fittest kinds
flit about a nursery rhyme

carcasses of a gentler time
when colors twirled nimbly around
flit about a nursery rhyme
when survival trumps life's rebound

when colors twirled nimbly around
they feed ideas other wing
when survival trumps life's rebound
thoughts spin shimmering webs that cling

Fiction

He was lying on a grassy hill in the park, gazing into the sky that first day I saw him. I drempt of lying by his side, looking for the magic that captivated him; wanting achingly to see what he saw. Wanting it to take me away, I fell in love.

A few days later, at a local bar, I all but ran him over. Though he was the one to apologize, asking if I was all right. "Of course. I'm fine," I squeaked as a thought crossed my mind that he was following me, leaving pebbles of doubt behind, but not, in itself fully forming. "Did I think it was love at first sight that day?" I asked myself, shaking my head with an emphatic "No, couldn't be." 

Weeks passed before I saw him again. I was at a local record store one Saturday afternoon, lazily thumbing through the faded jackets.  "Don't I know you from somewhere?" I heard someone ask, and when no reply came in answer, I looked up to find him staring inquisitively at me. 

Here was this man, this man that I had loved. This man who had followed me. Here he was now, acting as if we were strangers. "No, I don't believe you do," I stated, immediately followed with my exit.

I went home and put on an old jazz record, opened the windows to the cool fall air, and started jotting down love poems. His image, his voice, clung to me. I could no more rid myself of him than I could rid myself of my skin. I began to think that we had actually lain together on that grassy hill in the park. That magic had found and followed us. 

This is when the headaches started. My head began to throb, but I dutifully ignored it, knowing it would go away soon enough. When the phone rang, in what seemed like the space of a few seconds from the onset of the headache, I noted with relief that the headache had disappeared.

"You ready? I'm on my way over."  It was Alex, an old friend that I was going out to dinner with that evening.

Glancing at the clock, which registered nearly two hours past the time I felt it should have been, I answered, "Sure. Give me 20 minutes. Running a little late." A dizziness gripped me as I hung up the phone. It lasted for only a few seconds, but I was worried I might be coming down with a fever. Somehow, I had lost two hours.

I looked around me and all was as it should have been. I finally decided that the headache had knocked me unconscious. It was the only explanation that could fit into my view of reality. Still, it was worrisome. People just don't pass out from headaches. Not that I had ever heard of.

Deciding the best course of action was to go on about my evening as planned, I changed clothes and freshened up while I waited for Alex.

Pain

pain
c h o k e s
life

Choose Happiness

given the choice,
choose happiness
over travesty,

a little
of both
lies in
everything

Into a Squall

"Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend." ~ Plautus

lighthearted you, with magic rains
choose life energy around pains
at times, lucky, with friends terrains
your laugh champagnes, your laugh champagnes

feel all laughter's exhalation
imagine good time's sparkle fun
spontaneous times adjust, stun
journeys outrun, journeys outrun

lighthearted, fun-loving air dust
many times played with magic trust
playful mind chooses to the rush
therefore combust, therefore combust

this feels of happy gifted times
places exhaled, imagined rhymes
remember the energy climbs
to the sublime, to the sublime

inside, as friends imagine all
playful and you, happy to fall
into a life that sings to crawl
into a squall, into a squall

Undirected

"What difference is there between us, save a restless dream that follows my soul but fears to come near you?" ~ Khalil Gibran

undirected
energy emanates from me
undirected
longings squirm inside my body
fever of the soul to burn clean
a fine mind that's disconnected

His Granddaddy's Shotgun

Ordinary enough, that night. It started out that way, anyhow. In fact, the details of the evening escape me up until the moment I walked into our bedroom to see him sitting on the edge of the bed, a shotgun sitting upright on the floor, right in front him, resting there like a third leg. The barrel of it pointing straight up.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked him, tears already streaming down my face. We had been arguing that night about money, like we always did. He had been out of work for weeks and spent his days kayaking rather than job searching. The argument was typical. The circumstances were not new. The gun being introduced into the scene, now that was new. 

"I don't deserve to live. I can't find a job. Isn't that what you're telling me? If I can't work, I can't live?" 

"I'm not doing this," is all I could say as I left him like that, grabbing my purse and heading out the door.

I checked into the hotel down the street from our house. Once in the room, I lit up a cigarette and called 911. They took him in with no problems. Confiscated his granddaddy's shotgun, and put him in the local mental hospital for three days. That was the worst it ever got, and I didn't leave him right away, even though I should have. It's been a couple of years since we've spoken, but as far as know, he's doing just fine.

Awaiting Rain

"In Texas, it's always hot, dry, sunny, not a cloud in the sky." ~ Piper Perabo

dirt whips itself into fuss
while the sun beats down
tree branches hang low, leaves whither
dogs pant as their keepers frown

at the empty blue sky
on the hot rocks, snakes slither
dogs pant as their keepers frown
tree branches hang low, leaves whither

weeds thrive despite the heat
survival of the fittest, they wear the crown
tree branches hang low, leaves whither
dogs pant as their keepers frown

My Rock

Snow crunched under my boots as I walked into a small gathering of pine trees that morning. Not having been there before, I wasn't sure where I was headed, but soon enough found a clearing at the edge of the hill I walked upon. Finding a rock to sit on, I looked out over the pine covered hills, letting the view coax me into a reverie of thought. It didn't take long for the tears to fall. They had been quietly waiting for the right time to break free, and they cascaded rather somberly down my cheeks.

I was only fifteen at the time and attending a church sponsored ski trip. My mother and I had argued about my going. When she gave in to my selfish, teen-age reasoning, she said, "Go. Go ski for me. I've always wanted to do that." So I had done it. Not for her, but for me. There I was in the mountains, enjoying a vacation with friends and up until that moment, that moment on the rock, I had refused to think of her. She had been diagnosed with terminal cancer a few months earlier. The doctors didn't think she had much time left and they were right. I lost her two months after that ski trip. The rock of my life.

Drunken Sailor

"In art and dream, may you proceed with abandon. In life may you proceed with balance and stealth." ~ Patti Smith

despair in every ribbon of hope; i'm on the edge
a picturesque scene of serenity is just a sketch
life can't be either/or; it lies
somewhere in between lows and highs
it does seem my feet have no grip
in which to balance on life's ship
is it funny how i always choose to walk the tightrope
knowing the fall is despair in every ribbon of hope

tumultuously staggering about this life of mine
a drunken sailor knowing it always works out just fine
a heavy heart is mine to bear
and others will have their fair share
of diseases and tears i know
wish we didn't need pain to grow
i refuse to believe that i must always swim in doubt
drunken sailor, tumultuously staggering about

Such as Fate

"Actions are the seed of fate, deeds grow into destiny." ~ Harry S. Truman

to dream of love with you is fine
to while away the time, divine
to look forward to our next date
to tempt a master such as fate

to run from my life into yours
to want a box chalked full of cures
to work myself up in a state
to tempt a master such as fate

can't run away from me no more
can't shut my dreams behind a door
can't avoid myself with a mate
can't tempt a master such as fate

to dream of love with you is fine
can't tempt a master such as fate

Maybe Bliss

"Now a soft kiss - Aye, by that kiss, I vow an endless bliss." ~ John Keats

so you're here,

a muse to use, keep near

to me sweetie, 'cause we're good for us,

for now, in the in between, that we won't discuss

forget the customs of propriety, the fuss 

friends, then lovers, let us stay like this

sharing time and a kiss

maybe bliss

Good Fear, Bad Fear

"Fear has its use but cowardice has none." ~ Gandhi

good fear, bad fear, every fear
is real until you act heart's tear
don't let disappointment shatter
passions kindled by forever
love strong enough to melt the coldest insincere
thought and never give in to the good fear, bad fear

this fear, bridle its energy
create absolute symmetry
with the paths that take you forward
choices that gravitate toward
every hope, every dream, drempt while idle
the energy created by this fear, bridle

Misery

"An angry man opens his mouth and shuts his eyes." ~ Cato

your anger,
found an easy target.
is it convenient to chastise me?
to sentence me to the misery you can't hide?
i'm no saint, here to carry your cross
my blood isn't pure enough
never was

Not Even Rest

"Boredom: the desire for desires." ~ Leo Tolstoy

no catastrophes to write of
not even love
or manic highs
or even lies

no schemes to weave together now
don't take a bow
a dream escapes
my thoughts reshape

to float freely with clouds so white
calmness so tight
around my chest
not even rest

Forget Longing

"The act of longing for something will always be more intense than the requiting of it." ~ Gail Godwin

that time common caress formed something high
around you to address touch with a sigh
thrown pleasantries! thrown pleasantries!
only float inland in degrees
ever true pulsations land easily
thrown pleasantries float breezily

those which are lost differ not more says you
half touch does not blister any more too
forget longing! forget longing!
want for nothing, gain everything
be able to bloom messily in dreams
forget longing, for eternity screams

A Lovely Breeze

"Reason, I sacrifice you to the evening breeze." ~  Aime Cesaire

motors whip by in a rhythm
drivers are hurried to become
first at the beach and recover
letting the breeze be a lover

the intonations of summer fun
ocean waves ripple as winds hum
birds squawk, flapping wings to hover
letting the breeze be a lover

jellyfish dance near the calm shore
oblivious tourists explore
hermit crabs float in, uncover
letting the breeze be a lover

Ink on Fingers

"Yesterday's just a memory, tomorrow is never what it's suppose to be." ~ Bob Dylan

ink stains on crisp paper shrink
shrink intangible tales to ink
stained fibers to touch contained
contained strands of thought stained
fingers feel what the eye sees lingers
lingers pleasantly real now on fingers

Disintegration of America

If you could name one thing (person, place, event, etc.) to symbolize the disintegration of America (the U.S.), what would it be?

Sticky Sweet Affection

"As the twig is bent, the tree inclines." ~ Virgil

choose warmth to follow
nourishment
an advantageous direction
give me rain to swallow
i am bent
towards sticky sweet affection

thoughts can cool desire
stumble in
mislead the smartest of the bunch
let's kindle the fire
with some gin
leave reason to follow a hunch

not looking for nothing
but a smile
need tears of laughter to free me
don't need prayers or a wing
for awhile
anyway, i just need to be

My Own Mind

"All has been looted, betrayed, sold; black death's wing flashed ahead." ~ Anna Akhmatova

in possession of my own mind
who but i could be on trial
every friend, then, waits the while
judgment falls to myself to find

tears in earnest, because they're blind
every fault that i compile
in possession of my own mind
who but i could be on trial

hang myself, the orders i sign
nothing can save but a smile
save for want of a just style
that is taken by the refined
in possession of my own mind

Us

"He is the true enchanter, whose spell operates, not upon the senses, but on the imagination and the heart." ~  Washington Irving

whispers of tempos in a journey

vibrations of flux in a song

snapshots of living reveal

bittersweets to melt hearts

perfumes pervade as

memories twist

together

to part

us

Freedom to Dream

"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free." ~ Jim Morrison

freedom is nipping at my heels
so close, it's outright intimate
i don't even have to commit

as fear surrounds, a dream reveals
itself, bits and pieces of life
friends mixed in with a little strife

longings weathered as the paint peels
time being a cruel caretaker
needing a miracle maker

so old, these cracked, collapsed ideals
so thin, surprising even me
need rose-colored glasses to see

is it how chasing a dream feels
exhilaratingly tangent
and yet a little circumvent

Have I Told You?

"Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul." ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Have I told you?
Have I told you about
the wonderful mother
I was blessed with?
I had her for the first
16 years of my life.

Have I told you?
Have I told you about
a friend's mother who
took me under her wing
shortly after and I had her
for the next 22 years of my life?

Have I told you?
Have I told you about
my best friend?
I've had her in my life
for 25 years now.

Have I told you?
Have I told you that while
I make a mess of my life,
I have angels that come
and drag me back up
each and every time
I throw myself on
the ground in defeat?

Have I told you?
Have I told you that
out of gratitude for my mother,
my best friend's mother,
my best friend, my angels
and all the other beautiful people
that choose to share
their life with me,
I am going to pick myself up
and march forward,
head high, heart strong,
and enjoy my life?

Well I guess I have told you now.

Old Friend

"It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

i will

be kind to you

always remember me

fondly, i will remember us

old friend

Oh Happy Day

"When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." ~ Mae West
 

(...this one might sound good while strummin' a guitar...)

i fell in the pits and shattered to bits

i’m just a low-down clown that wears a frown

a moody, morose, weepin’ willow tree

crestfallen me is a sad sight indeed, oh

i broke my nail and i yelled like hell and

then you left to get away from the rest

of my hollerin’ and my bawlin' too,

you are a crummy dummy and ugly

to boot; I’m gonna scoot your stinkin’

jukebox off the first cliff of rocks I find,

watch it fall down and down and hit the ground,

shatter to bits and turn my frown upside

down, and mend my nail with a chunk of your

down-in-the dumps rump, oh happy day, yay.

Luck

"Be grateful for luck. Pay the thunder no mind - listen to the birds. And don't hate nobody." ~ Eubie Blake
 
nice
to hear
your laughter
and i'm grateful
to be able to hear heaven today

Unsustainable

"Independence? That's middle class blasphemy. We are all dependent on one another, every soul of us on earth."~ George Bernard Shaw

the rich texture of your touch is what i seek
the general health of me determined by
the contingency of your lips on my cheek
defenseless against the pressure of your sigh
vulnerable, subjected to being weak,
counting on you to take me on a high
controlled by addiction, i want to break free
this feeling being unsustainable for me

Drought

"Violence is like a weed, it does not die even in the greatest drought." ~ Simon Wiesenthal

drowning in profound rain we were sated,
rarely wanting, never dreaming, of a drought,
one shouldn’t let others carry their keeping,
use them for their insatiable, selfish needs
guilt hung in those raindrops; the sated tension
honored feelings, now just fallen memories 

that scream of droughts promised by eternity

Avoidance Land

although good at avoiding, i make my way
writing myself of all things desirable
i push to have that too, my very own say

although that is sometimes undefinable
i’m half between my unfinished tomorrows
finding mine, here tonight…unreliable

so to accept, i write of feelings, sorrows
annoyed that i’ve hate too…hmmm…under cover
of poetry, and tonight a dream borrows

calm from a swing, restlessness, it does hover
want too is here to play, but i’m okay and
move on to even things out with a lover

who happens to have a drink to help me stand
upright in my sweet little avoidance land

Waterfall

water cascades over rock

          tearing down what dwells

             now to grains of sand that were

                                there before the swells

                                     looming lusty massiveness

                                                crusts of earth above

                                                  shelters me enfolds protects

                                                                   gifts of water love

My Smile

my smile lured you to my lair
hinting of a light affair
alien each others world
our banter tumbled out and swirled

that night you gently touched my hair
my smile lured you to my lair
our days were filled our nights were free
wasn't long you conquered me

precious was my time with you
the minutes, hours seemed so few
my smile lured you to my lair
was not what caused you not to care

not wanting loss again my love
my smile faded and you tired of
the worry frown on my face so fair
my smile lured you to my lair

Boots

i just bought myself a new pair of boots

to kick your ass right out of my life now

cause your indifference only refutes

i just bought myself a new pair of boots

have other things to do, other pursuits

never liked your attitude anyhow

i just bought myself a new pair of boots

to kick your ass right out of my life now

A Wedding Band

the sweetest love i knew with you
charming musical notes for two
our weekends were not long enough
to satisfy our love and lust

both wanting to be saved by each
no wonder that we failed to reach
happily ever after and
a fairy tale with a wedding band

the miles did not matter much
though impatient for each others touch
you packed me up and took me with
my life before seemed just a myth

both wanting to be saved by each
no wonder that we failed to reach
happily ever after and
a fairy tale with a wedding band

having only you to comfort me
a burden i would come to be
i will not forget that awful night
you let me go after our last fight

both wanting to be saved by each
no wonder that we failed to reach
happily ever after and
a fairy tale with a wedding band

but we loved each other true and deep
our memories i'll forever keep
though that was then and long ago
i cherish that you helped me grow

both wanting to be saved by each
no wonder that we failed to reach
happily ever after and
that fairy tale and wedding bands

Seasons of Dust

born with a want of most
we scream to be heard
above the sirens of others
neediness, what is left
for me, want want need
nothing any more or any
less than what there is
under that tree, roots
to keep you fed and
strong don't want what
isn't possible because
disappointment can drive
you crazy girl, be resourceful
and turn that dirt until you
find what it is you can use,
satisfy your hunger with
creative frugality now
survival can be romantic
and magic can be practical
seasons of dust, let the
fire cleanse you, don't
hold on to dry rocks
that leave you aching
for a little nourishment
when there is a waft
of moisture in the air
look up and reach for
a cloud.

Toxins of Hate

blood boils from the toxins of hate
quickly cauterizing tiny nerves
blocking us from our friendship with fate
realities are shadowy curves

quickly cauterizing tiny nerves
destroying abilities to feel
realities are shadowy curves
only forgiveness will let you heal

destroying abilities to feel
hate must be absolutely released
only forgiveness will let you heal
allow you to grasp the world at least

hate must be absolutely released
as you absolve yourself of your sins
allow you to grasp the world at least
and you can shed your dead outer skins

as you absolve yourself of the sins
blocking you from your friendship with fate
and you can shed your dead outer skins
blood boils from the toxins of hate

Sacrificial Me

didn't hold a ceremony
for the sacrificial lonely
traded you for all t'was phony
as i began to die slowly

now my heart is barely beating
wish to resurrect a meeting
with yourself, however fleeting
life without you is defeating

left defenseless, always in doubt
you are the soul that i'm without
introverted, bashful and stout
you were what i was all about

now a ceremony i seek
while not assured of the technique
my blood i'll shed for your mystique
and on my knees i do weep

Taunts

with a dismissal, i crumble
the repeated pattern of it
setting myself up for it
for rejection after rejection
unceasingly picking at a wound
open, moving, falling under

letting it absorb me into its depths
and i sit here and wonder

how i can continually hurt myself
over and over and over
never stopping, never letting up
waiting for the ultimate elimination.
that severing of a friendship
and knowing that i deserve it

because i set myself up
reaching out in a momentary fit

the itch was too strong,
the depression too deep
the habit too ingrained in me
at this point in my life
and for once i prefer the silence
to an answer because i don't want

a bad answer, the wrong answer
to my game, my constant taunt

a game that i keep losing
i can't sit with these bad feelings.
i can't sit with good ones either.
i'm hyper-vigilant trying to
calm down, cheer up, chill out
anything other than what i'm feeling

never allowed to just sit and encounter
never allowed to give into any healing

Cold Fire

tears, silent tears were shed
to aspire
life should be worth struggling for

reach for the sky and spread
those wings while
grabbing a cloud to tour the world

for those tears, crown my head
with cold fire
as i aspire, watch me soar

Wrinkle With Me

When I breathe in, I can smell your chemistry.
And I can feel our density.
You breathe out and I can hear your intentions.
And I can see our dimensions.

Could you be present for one bit?
At this moment, could you commit?
What does it feel like to just be
Present in this wrinkle with me?

The taste of you is misty morning raindrops.
You whisper and smile, my brain throbs.
My breath quickens as your hand sweeps down my side.
I look up and I know you've tried.

Could you be present for one bit?
At this moment, could you commit?
What does it feel like to just be
Present in this wrinkle with me?

Time stands still in this moment with me with you.
The sands of it sprinkled in your eyes of blue.
What took you so long to get here with me now?
Time is ours, in this moment I'll show you how .

Could you be present for one bit?
At this moment, could you commit?
What does it feel like to just be
Present in this wrinkle with me?

Present for just one bit.
Why don't you commit?
It feels good just to be
You present with me.

Notes:

I've been busy. I haven't had time to check on everyone that I would like to. I hate leaving comments because I never feel they express what I'm actually feeling. I love that all of you swing by when you can and read my poetry. I do not like posting daily and will probably post less, but hopefully this will improve the quality of my posts. Thanks to each and every one of you.

Continuous Thread

keep yourself above all else, first
when generality has fled
sweet, wonderful you will remain
you are the continuous thread

sew the diseases of your heart
every stitch is in your vein
you are the continuous thread
sweet, wonderful you will remain

exorcise your nightmares so that 
your dreams stick around to be fed
sweet, wonderful you does remain
you are the continuous thread

Grounded

energy high
don't think i love him
went for our run
drinking a beer
outdoors on a beautiful day
wishing he would call
making my own way
feel the breeze
sometimes wonder
doesn't seem complicated
to be selfish
birds chirping
sun setting
typing away nothings
trying to get a bit of art
a little bit of soul
a bit of wisdom
while out and about
sun is setting
birds are chirping
breeze is flowing
i think about him
i think about past loves
i think about surreal feelings
i wonder how a change in perception
can cause the whole world
to seem alien
right now the world seems right
i want to always see the world this way
to feel grounded

I'm Me

thinking just when this levels: i'm me.
back thinking, special mode: anxious.
but though and really i keep
and with boundaries down
see myself again.
this today
tired talk
be

Crippled Sensations

you spoke to me, my mundane heart
words opened disease from the start
both ready to shatter away
there were a few choppy sun rays
that we did weave in time with moonshine waterfalls
in sweet dreams of the many times, you spoke to me

with substance we loved anyway
and passionately we did stay
joined, we tried compulsions to break
crucial breaks for each other's sake
in beautiful rhythm, for a time we breathed free
did love each other through a space, with substance we

did cripple sensations of love
friends faded into wisps above
musical complications were
bound in thick hurts we never stir
intentions remembered in coded translations
we carelessly cut us deep and did cripple sensations

A Door's Yawn

i feel the vapor of a door's yawn
as warm as a summer's breeze
my mind creeks and my soul takes a peek
revealing a confidence that frees

new paths of reality connect
afflictions lift and life smiles
my soul takes a peek and my mind creeks
human consciousness advanced meanwhile

honest kindness the most profound gift
to receive, to believe, to embrace
my mind creeks and my soul takes a peek
the world just dawned a more gracious face

A Bit More

crawling in the desert of thirst
i ask for only honesty first
needing the nutrients that restore
authenticity, heart, of that, a bit more

when will misconceptions be gone
and fellow understanding dawn
we live too defensively to gain rapport
authenticity, heart, of that, a bit more

passionately, i want to awake
and live for substantivity's  sake
perfection a natural contour
authenticity, heart, of that, a bit more

i search the depths of your eyes and implore
authenticity, heart, of that, a bit more

Outcasts Plight

pariahs beat their drums tonight
with moonshine flight
lax gypsies sway
delights allay

as timbrels clatter, clink and clang
earth dances, hangs
all eyes ablaze
and fireflies laze

they dance and sing till morning light
the outcasts plight
sweet freedom holds
them in her folds

Sentient Blessings

foraging for sweet nothings, sustenance,
fixated in backgrounds, with shadows bound;
flowers thrown, wilt and whither, unnoticed,
digging fallow soil, madness certain if
what is, ceases to be, a background hum
of nourishment, water found by the roots;
can we be reached in recesses of life?
what futile, needless tragedy must shock,
rock the foundations of our incessant
needs, weeds in the garden of time, we cry
for what is right at our feet, thrown out with
the barren dirt, we continually
want to hurt, we crave starvation and thirst
forever cursed with ... sentient blessings

Self Reliance

boundaries for me to set rules
companions lie in fields of mules
for me, can i see the sky
not even a slice of that pie

salvation, self-preservation
levitate, it's my projection
don't purport your happier sky
not even a slice of that pie

blackness surrounds the only light
carried in my recesses, trite
rainbows live  in the outside sky
not even a slice of that pie

Melancholic

if there is any war worth fighting,
it should be the war to destroy
the melancholic disease that lies
latent or active in us all.

Fear

empty
fear settles in
melting cotton candy
to skin bubbles up water to
protect

Patterns

transparent symmetries abound
droplets push rings in water ponds
and ice fractures mosaic bonds

honesty wide open, deep down
cherry trees shooting for the sun
pushing through dirt, jagged roots spun

and the patterns cascade around
bumping, thrashing, sweeping by in
perfect clear tears by violin

there really isn't substance found
in this room of prisms and light
just empty shadows left to fight

nor any magic to propound
want kerchief colorful kerchief
abra kadabra, fill the rift

it's all been spent on common ground
two hands clasp mutual respect
two hearts find a way to connect

time for a fracturing of sound
click click click and i'm almost home
tar paths offered for those that roam

a break from feelings kept in frown
daisies, tall grasses, yes meadows
miniature picket-fenced chateaus

messy sadness pulls round and round
potholes, smog, everything new
piled in ashes wanted by few

can't understand the black dog gown
too tight to remove, suffocates
missing it, i'm allowed, love waits

the heart wants what the heart wants now
beautiful sun rays through arms wrapped
around this troubled soul untapped

and sensibilities are drowned
only wave beats talk pressure pot
da dum da dum da dum is sought

Win

hover, hover, that's all you do.
you inhale the ground and the glue
and i'm gone, not even with you
puffs of dirt chew, puffs of dirt chew

chew, chew, on my aura and pain
slurping up what, of me, remains
sucked out of me all that was gained
weary mundane, weary mundane

mundane, mundane, your games within
stronger, smarter than what has been
I Rise, Shatter your evil grin
I always win, I always win.

I Love

"A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge." ~ Thomas Carlyle

i love crisp-air rivers, brain science and rocks
i love wine and stars that twinkle; kissing you
i love making love and poetry and tic-tocs

i love drawing, writing, silence, but friends too
i love books with tea and sweet potato fries
i love coffee, misty-mornings, music and coos

i love trees, falling in love, dancing, and pies
i love sipping beer, picking flowers, sunshine
i love smoking cigarettes, but not goodbyes

i love freckles and reading between the lines
i love that you love me a million-one times

Patience

 "Hope is patience with the lamp lit." ~ Tertullian

As I age, patience seems to me an easier friend to call upon, but I always need to consciously remind myself of its benefits and its rewards. I've learned that distracting myself from things that I can do nothing about at the moment, makes time sweeter and life richer.

patience

can't get here fast

enough for my use of

its benefits. please hurry up,

now please.

Sin

 "How shall I lose the sin, yet keep the sense, and love the offender, yet detest the offense?" ~ Alexander Pope

you accuse and i deny
but guilt weighs me down
and i can't look you in the eye.
i trade my innocence of now
for my shame of then
and now it feels like
i've doubled my sin.

Synapses

"It may be, that the deep necessity of art is the examination of self-deception." ~ Robert Motherwell 

currents ricocheting off
each other; contriving,
tearing down, passing
information, rewiring,

multiplying and dying.
the survival tics,
creating the deceptions
reality fits.

Contentment

"Contentment is, after all, refined indolence." ~ Thomas Chandler Haliburton

that beautiful place called contentment
circumvents my boulevard from time to time
eludes my compulsion for relaxation
and serenity comes to be but a wish

waterfalls soothe souls with silver ripples in
that beautiful place called contentment
complacency lounges on its creamy shores
equanimity swims with the dolphins there

when misery has been my master, i crave
its spray on my face, its air in my lungs
that beautiful place called contentment
might be a dream rather than a memory

the uneasiness of this world surrounds me
until i smell the flowers of repletion
bringing forth pleasurable awareness in
that beautiful place called contentment

Vibrations

"Every stress leaves an indelible scar, and the organism pays for its survival after a stressful situation by becoming a little older." ~ Hans Selye

stress
s c a r e s
hush

Rock-A-Bye

"Saying goodbye doesn't mean anything. It's the time we spent together that matters, not how we left it." ~ Trey Parker

the tears seem in endless supply
as she wishes the hurt away
the emptiness is nothing but a lie
the oppressive pain is present today

as she wishes the hurt away
she rocks herself back and forth
the oppressive pain is present today
and she wonders of her worth

Ashes

"What a couple. I'm consumed into ashes, and he's always raking up the ashes and setting them on fire again." ~ Agnes Smedley

breathtakingly tender you touched
me waking an eagerness and such
those dormant longings were set free
ashes of it fall around me

the world continues to exist
so that this feeling will persist
yet i feel we willed it to be
ashes of it fall around me

intoxicatingly tragic
you spun your contrary magic
hypnotizing and i still see
ashes of it fall around me

breathtakingly tender you touched
ashes of it fall around me

Mud Puddles

"I had been found in a mud puddle at 4:30 in the morning." ~ Lance Loud

There are tears to be 

found in rainbows and beauty

in a mud puddle.

Stars

"How far away the stars seem, and how far is our first kiss, and ah, how old is my heart?" ~ William Butler Yeats

stars

shiver

loneliness

while together

lone

Concerns

"An artists' only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection, and on his own terms, not anyone else's." ~ J. D. Salinger

Wonder what you were about,
Communicating,
Advising me in life's cares,
Concerns evading.

Wonder if I'll get words down,
Thoughts colliding and,
Fragmentations in my head,
Silly songs of strand.

Fate

"All art is a revolt against man's fate." ~ Andre Malraux

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

pearls of wisdom crushed

crushed from the weight

weight of experience

experience of fate

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Puzzle Pieces

"A good  puzzle, it's a fair thing. Nobody is lying. It's very clear, and the problem depends just on you." ~ Erno Rubik

A fragment of wisdom collides with me.
I can feel my body falling away,
As my stomach landslides inside itself.
Panic follows along, to crackle nerves.
My head explodes from pressures created,
While senses struggle to read it's message,
Unable to stretch themselves far enough.

Yet understanding is within my reach.
Demons have been exorcised while it waits
Patiently to bestow on me it's hope
In slivers of time, in rhythms of life.
A puzzle to solve, with pieces strewn and,
Snapped into place, they reveal what this is
That has impaled itself into my heart.

Emptiness*

"Nothingness not being nothing, nothingness being emptiness." ~ Isabelle Adjani

Nothing to clutch in latency,
Arrange obsessive emptiness,
In line with useless pettiness.

Need inspiration, sanity,
Write incessantly so fingers crack,
Screams so soft they come out pitch black.

Contentions bind banality,
Divergent souls at war below,
A duplicity of fresh snow.

Craziness, peace and energy,
Objects float, recoil, defy bounds,
Smoke sipped, coffee inhaled, compounds.

Sparks reach out for infinity,
Fervently pushing up dirt,
Climb invisible stairs. To flirt.

(*disclaimer - this was inspired by a collection of old journal entries...i'm pretty happy at the moment, no worries)

Who me?

Thank you Li (Flash Fiction) for the award:

...

Li writes awesome prose on her blog Flash Fiction. You should go check it out when you have a chance. Her writing draws you in, she even had me forgetting that it was fiction and thinking she was struggling with a death of a loved one. That's how good she is.

I think the rules say that I need to carry the flame and give this to three of my favorite blogs. It wasn't easy choosing them because I follow some amazing peeps, but here goes:

You, Me. No adult supervision. - Great writing here. She's another that draws me in and makes me forget that she's writing fiction.


The Eternal Worrier - Beautiful writings about life. Check it out.


efficient Agony - Writes awesome poetry. 'Nuf said.

Passion and Poetry

"Do not quench your inspiration and your imagination; do not become the slave of your model." ~ Vincent van Gogh

Sitting here. Trying to spin poetry. Wondering why I cannot hold onto an idea, a theme. Then I realize that it's time to put poetry to the side while I get out there and live. Create new memories. Experience new truths. Discover falsehoods. When the well runs dry, the only thing to do is search for more water. The key being that while I'm out there searching for more water, my well will begin replenishing itself.

Sep-uh-reyt Normal

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." ~ e. e. cummings

...dimples, defects.
standardize sane?
forget mundane,
processed respects...

Restless

"A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow." ~ Charlotte Bronte

My restlessness is pushing at me again. It's time for a major change or a depression. So, I choose change. I want to spend my time encouraging people with psychiatric issues to express themselves creatively as an emotional outlet. That's the general idea anyway. I'll probably start with volunteer work. I have to research what's available in the area.

An ignorance weighs down my soul
A yearning dribbles from my bones
Frustration screams along the floors
And obstinacy roosts itself
Beside my good intentions and
I know it's time.

As ideation stagnates here
A tide's amiss, and beckons me
To follow into choppy seas
And float above the desert lands
A wind to chase away the blues
I know it's time.

Past Loves

"All you need is love." ~ John Lennon

I remember a kiss beside a piped fence,
a forbidden dance, rebelled against.
I remember a rose and eleven more,
a desk defaced with silly discourse.

Do you remember our trek in nature's glen,
a birdsong among desire's last yen?
Do you remember the day we called in sick,
loving each other from noon till six?

I remember treasures you gifted to me,
the cheesy trinkets, of me you'd see.
I remember my hammock from which we fell,
our sweet giggle fits and laughter's swell.

Do you remember playing at midnight late,
a park, on a slide, on our first date?
Do you remember our gourmet dinner feast,
beget by you, devoured by me?

...p.s. nostalgia is a beautiful place to visit from time to time. these sweet memories are like adornments. precious lace to run through your fingers and rub against your cheek when you get the itch. they adorn the present, as we use their patterns to weave new delicate memories...adding today to our collection of yesteryear.

The Price is High

"I've overcome neglect and deprivation, abandonment and abuse." ~ Tatum O'Neal

When you've compromised your own values and judgments for the sake of keeping an attachment and when they've left you anyway, the anger is mixed with fear and then with shame. What makes it even worse is that in your rational brain you know your reaction is way over the top to what has actually occurred, but the pain and the fear latch onto something so deep, so buried in the core of you that you have so little control over it. You can't let it take you to that abyss you've spent a lifetime building fences around. If your not careful, if you stop resisting the pull, you will fall in and you could lose yourself completely.

Sell your finger and sell your toe,

the sweetheart spoke.

The price is high,

smiling good-bye.

Do I need this finger, this toe,

the question's told.

Anger, fear, shame,

are all to blame.

Missing a finger and a toe,

you're led below.

Clawing, bleeding,

life is reaching.

Falling Star

"Between two worlds life hovers like a star, twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge." ~ Lord Byron

Sometimes I feel that my pursuits in life are misguided by romantic notions and childhood dreams; wondering how I can always continually pursue and believe in silly notions of love and peace, especially when life reminds me on a daily basis that these two things are illusions. I began to think of all the awesome theories and laws man has discovered about the universe; one being that nothing is constant. Laws that were true thousands of years ago were usurped by a star falling on an unsuspecting genius, ready to expand our universe with his enlightenment.

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Why do I store my dreams in make-believe?
Am I waiting for a star to fall on me?
So that my fiction becomes fact?
The impossible comes to be?

Is this what makes the universe expand?
Heaven and nature breaking their pact?
The impossible comes to be?
So that my fiction becomes fact?

What proof, that natural laws break?
Quantum theory and relativity?
So that my fiction becomes fact?
The impossible comes to be?
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Advanced Order

Assembling the uprising,
Anger persists in acquiring
Rights and overdue redemption,
In confidence of expression.

Being denied by the nation,
Locked away to breed sensations,
Having no power to question,
In confidence of expression.

Peace has been overthrown today,

Chaos will reign and give way,

To freedom of aggression,

In confidence of expression.

The prison gates opening to

Let detainees breath, see anew.

An advanced order successions,

In confidence of expression.

Welcome acrimony, passion,

Disruption a crucial lesson.

Fire, a natural precession,

In confidence of expression.

My Pot of Gold

"Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. Poems and songs with pipes and drums. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes...That's the Irish for you!" ~ Old Irish Saying

The leprechaun made my night, with the exception that I forgot to put my charged battery into my camera and therefore I have no proof. I was at the local coffee shop which had a line-up of bands to entertain me for the evening, and I was the only nerd with my computer. One of the bands was from Dublin, thus explaining the leprechaun. No picture needed. Hmmm...I wonder...was he there looking for a pot of gold? Should I have searched for it? I'll be cheesy and say the pot of gold was the beautiful evening, the excellent music, the amusing crowd, and the almost full moon.

Eventually a couple of friends met up with me and seeing that one of them was 11 years-old, I was challenged to a game of Candy Land and lost. Very gracefully too. I might have finally out grown temper tantrums. Maybe.

Friendship

"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." Arnold H. Glasgow

An unexpected visit from a friend combined with a day spent wandering the streets of a music festival has left me with a tired smile. It's also rumored that my heart grew three sizes yesterday. I'm just hoping that my waistline doesn't follow suit.

We drank, we ate, we spotted a dead on ringer for Dr. Spencer Reid from the TV show Criminal Minds. (Who knows, it could have actually been him). We took in the various music styles offered at the free venues. We bar hopped. We laughed. We delighted in watching the array of people who crossed our path. We bonded.

In the natural order of things, to balance the beauty of the day, my keys escaped my purse and have not been seen since. We didn't even mind. Giggling like school girls, we waited at my car for one of the girls' husbands to rescue us.

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A friend drops in, we taste the music , sip beer,

Proxies of individuality expand our hearts,
As we float through multitudinous atmospheres,

A friend drops in, we taste the music, sip beer,

As we float through multitudinous atmospheres,
Keys escape my purse, a new life to start,

A friend drops in, we taste the music, sip beer,
Proxies of individuality expand our hearts.

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Balance

"I always try to balance the light with the heavy - a few tears of human spirit in with the sequins and the fringes." ~ Bette Midler

Idle melancholy. That's the mixed bag I have at the moment.  I can handle this better than the anxious uncertainty that has been haunting me the last few days. The general mood of me is such a delicate balance of all things currently affecting me and all things that have affected me, I'm never completely sure which grain of sand has disrupted the scales.

Balance. There is balance in this choppy sea I rock in. There is a peace about me at this very moment, that I'd do well to embrace. So, this is my embrace. In the end it will be okay. There are people in the world who may not understand or even like me, but they do love me. That's a sort of balance I can adjust my own internal love to.

Idle melancholy and mixed moments

Are better than anxiously haunting days.

The mood of me, a delicate tension.

Grains of sand fall and disrupt the scales.

Balance lies in this choppy sea I rock in.

There is a peace in this bay.

People loving me, try understanding, do.

A balance I adjust my own love to.

Walkin'

"And I've been walking 'round with memories way too long" ~ Iris DeMent

Days are tired and run into each other. I trip over them, not looking, just blindly getting through. The gems that are given me right now don't sparkle, but I know they will, soon. I'm happy to have them. They are my hope. They bring smiles to offset my empty tears. I'm not depressed exactly, just tired and anxious.

I don't think about him as often. His importance has fallen in the hierarchy of my thoughts. I escaped fairly unscathed this time. Aspirations of love, beautiful illusions though they are, can distort the reality of it. Time spent dreaming of someone who dreams of another is a bad habit that can be broken, a destructive game that can't be won, only walked away from.

I'm a walkin'.

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Thoughts,
Habits,
Illusions,
Shatter inside.
Comfort found in space, time,  walking away.
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Sick Beds

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." ~ David Grayson 

This entire week I have felt off. Monday was anxiety and confusion. Tuesday, anxiety, tears, growth, empathy, and by Wednesday, utter and entire physical and mental exhaustion. Thursday gave me the shakes and dizziness with Friday waking me up with the taste of bronchitis coming on. All this caused by lack of sleep with a touch of heartache.

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Saying good-bye

Stomach churning

Eyes burning

Asking myself why

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Choking

"Losing streaks are funny. If you lose at the beginning, you got off to a bad start...in the middle of the season, you're in a slump...at the end, you're choking." ~ Gene Mauch

Dear You,

The last time I wrote, I was in a manic stupor of surging chemistry and then today I can barely hold my eyes open. My brain, rather than being smothered by euphoria, is choking on memories of you. I really wished you could have loved me. You were rather nice to have around.

Love,

Me
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Chemical reactions are all that we are.

Hold me tighter.

Open the sweet tides of you.

Kind of a dream.

Is that your name, Sandman?

Nice memories to numb me.

Go 'round my head.

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Complicated

"Everything is complicated; if that were not so, life and poetry and everything else would be a bore." ~ Wallace Stevens

Life is so outrageously complicated. The infinite possibilities of human relationships due to love, scorn, courtrooms, trust, fear, taxes, lust, hate, vacations, truth, lies, hairstyles, help, guilt, waistlines, etc. is complicated. I love and hate this journey that I'm on; but it's my journey and I'll take it.

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Simplicity 

Outrageously infinite

Fearing, hating, lying

Scorn, guilt, peace, calm

Loving, trusting, helping

Smoothly continuous

Complication
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