Thursday, March 31, 2011


"How far away the stars seem, and how far is our first kiss, and ah, how old is my heart?" ~ William Butler Yeats

while together


"An artists' only concern is to shoot for some kind of perfection, and on his own terms, not anyone else's." ~ J. D. Salinger

Wonder what you were about,
Advising me in life's cares,
Concerns evading.

Wonder if I'll get words down,
Thoughts colliding and,
Fragmentations in my head,
Silly songs of strand.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011


"All art is a revolt against man's fate." ~ Andre Malraux

pearls of wisdom crushed
crushed from the weight
weight of experience
experience of fate

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Puzzle Pieces

"A good  puzzle, it's a fair thing. Nobody is lying. It's very clear, and the problem depends just on you." ~ Erno Rubik

A fragment of wisdom collides with me.
I can feel my body falling away,
As my stomach landslides inside itself.
Panic follows along, to crackle nerves.
My head explodes from pressures created,
While senses struggle to read it's message,
Unable to stretch themselves far enough.

Yet understanding is within my reach.
Demons have been exorcised while it waits
Patiently to bestow on me it's hope
In slivers of time, in rhythms of life.
A puzzle to solve, with pieces strewn and,
Snapped into place, they reveal what this is
That has impaled itself into my heart.

Saturday, March 26, 2011


"Nothingness not being nothing, nothingness being emptiness." ~ Isabelle Adjani

Nothing to clutch in latency,
Arrange obsessive emptiness,
In line with useless pettiness.

Need inspiration, sanity,
Write incessantly so fingers crack,
Screams so soft they come out pitch black.

Contentions bind banality,
Divergent souls at war below,
A duplicity of fresh snow.

Craziness, peace and energy,
Objects float, recoil, defy bounds,
Smoke sipped, coffee inhaled, compounds.

Sparks reach out for infinity,
Fervently pushing up dirt,
Climb invisible stairs. To flirt.

(*disclaimer - this was inspired by a collection of old journal entries...i'm pretty happy at the moment, no worries)

Who me?

Thank you Li (Flash Fiction) for the award:


Li writes awesome prose on her blog Flash Fiction. You should go check it out when you have a chance. Her writing draws you in, she even had me forgetting that it was fiction and thinking she was struggling with a death of a loved one. That's how good she is.

I think the rules say that I need to carry the flame and give this to three of my favorite blogs. It wasn't easy choosing them because I follow some amazing peeps, but here goes:

You, Me. No adult supervision. - Great writing here. She's another that draws me in and makes me forget that she's writing fiction.

The Eternal Worrier - Beautiful writings about life. Check it out.

efficient Agony - Writes awesome poetry. 'Nuf said.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Passion and Poetry

"Do not quench your inspiration and your imagination; do not become the slave of your model." ~ Vincent van Gogh

Sitting here. Trying to spin poetry. Wondering why I cannot hold onto an idea, a theme. Then I realize that it's time to put poetry to the side while I get out there and live. Create new memories. Experience new truths. Discover falsehoods. When the well runs dry, the only thing to do is search for more water. The key being that while I'm out there searching for more water, my well will begin replenishing itself.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Sep-uh-reyt Normal

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing it's best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting." ~ e. e. cummings

...dimples, defects.
standardize sane?
forget mundane,
processed respects...

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


"A ruffled mind makes a restless pillow." ~ Charlotte Bronte

My restlessness is pushing at me again. It's time for a major change or a depression. So, I choose change. I want to spend my time encouraging people with psychiatric issues to express themselves creatively as an emotional outlet. That's the general idea anyway. I'll probably start with volunteer work. I have to research what's available in the area.

An ignorance weighs down my soul
A yearning dribbles from my bones
Frustration screams along the floors
And obstinacy roosts itself
Beside my good intentions and
I know it's time.

As ideation stagnates here
A tide's amiss, and beckons me
To follow into choppy seas
And float above the desert lands
A wind to chase away the blues
I know it's time.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Past Loves

"All you need is love." ~ John Lennon

I remember a kiss beside a piped fence,
a forbidden dance, rebelled against.
I remember a rose and eleven more,
a desk defaced with silly discourse.

Do you remember our trek in nature's glen,
a birdsong among desire's last yen?
Do you remember the day we called in sick,
loving each other from noon till six?

I remember treasures you gifted to me,
the cheesy trinkets, of me you'd see.
I remember my hammock from which we fell,
our sweet giggle fits and laughter's swell.

Do you remember playing at midnight late,
a park, on a slide, on our first date?
Do you remember our gourmet dinner feast,
beget by you, devoured by me?

...p.s. nostalgia is a beautiful place to visit from time to time. these sweet memories are like adornments. precious lace to run through your fingers and rub against your cheek when you get the itch. they adorn the present, as we use their patterns to weave new delicate memories...adding today to our collection of yesteryear.

Monday, March 21, 2011

The Price is High

"I've overcome neglect and deprivation, abandonment and abuse." ~ Tatum O'Neal

When you've compromised your own values and judgments for the sake of keeping an attachment and when they've left you anyway, the anger is mixed with fear and then with shame. What makes it even worse is that in your rational brain you know your reaction is way over the top to what has actually occurred, but the pain and the fear latch onto something so deep, so buried in the core of you that you have so little control over it. You can't let it take you to that abyss you've spent a lifetime building fences around. If your not careful, if you stop resisting the pull, you will fall in and you could lose yourself completely.

Sell your finger and sell your toe,
the sweetheart spoke.
The price is high,
smiling good-bye.

Do I need this finger, this toe,
the question's told.
Anger, fear, shame,
are all to blame.

Missing a finger and a toe,
you're led below.
Clawing, bleeding,
life is reaching.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Falling Star

"Between two worlds life hovers like a star, twixt night and morn, upon the horizon's verge." ~ Lord Byron

Sometimes I feel that my pursuits in life are misguided by romantic notions and childhood dreams; wondering how I can always continually pursue and believe in silly notions of love and peace, especially when life reminds me on a daily basis that these two things are illusions. I began to think of all the awesome theories and laws man has discovered about the universe; one being that nothing is constant. Laws that were true thousands of years ago were usurped by a star falling on an unsuspecting genius, ready to expand our universe with his enlightenment.

Why do I store my dreams in make-believe?
Am I waiting for a star to fall on me?
So that my fiction becomes fact?
The impossible comes to be?

Is this what makes the universe expand?
Heaven and nature breaking their pact?
The impossible comes to be?
So that my fiction becomes fact?

What proof, that natural laws break?
Quantum theory and relativity?
So that my fiction becomes fact?
The impossible comes to be?

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Advanced Order

Assembling the uprising,
Anger persists in acquiring
Rights and overdue redemption,
In confidence of expression.

Being denied by the nation,
Locked away to breed sensations,
Having no power to question,
In confidence of expression.

Peace has been overthrown today,
Chaos will reign and give way,
To freedom of aggression,
In confidence of expression.

The prison gates opening to
Let detainees breath, see anew.
An advanced order successions,
In confidence of expression.

Welcome acrimony, passion,
Disruption a crucial lesson.
Fire, a natural precession,
In confidence of expression.

My Pot of Gold

"Leprechauns, castles, good luck and laughter. Lullabies, dreams and love ever after. Poems and songs with pipes and drums. A thousand welcomes when anyone comes...That's the Irish for you!" ~ Old Irish Saying

The leprechaun made my night, with the exception that I forgot to put my charged battery into my camera and therefore I have no proof. I was at the local coffee shop which had a line-up of bands to entertain me for the evening, and I was the only nerd with my computer. One of the bands was from Dublin, thus explaining the leprechaun. No picture needed. Hmmm...I wonder...was he there looking for a pot of gold? Should I have searched for it? I'll be cheesy and say the pot of gold was the beautiful evening, the excellent music, the amusing crowd, and the almost full moon.

Eventually a couple of friends met up with me and seeing that one of them was 11 years-old, I was challenged to a game of Candy Land and lost. Very gracefully too. I might have finally out grown temper tantrums. Maybe.

Thursday, March 17, 2011


"A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down." Arnold H. Glasgow

An unexpected visit from a friend combined with a day spent wandering the streets of a music festival has left me with a tired smile. It's also rumored that my heart grew three sizes yesterday. I'm just hoping that my waistline doesn't follow suit.

We drank, we ate, we spotted a dead on ringer for Dr. Spencer Reid from the TV show Criminal Minds. (Who knows, it could have actually been him). We took in the various music styles offered at the free venues. We bar hopped. We laughed. We delighted in watching the array of people who crossed our path. We bonded.

In the natural order of things, to balance the beauty of the day, my keys escaped my purse and have not been seen since. We didn't even mind. Giggling like school girls, we waited at my car for one of the girls' husbands to rescue us.

A friend drops in, we taste the music , sip beer,
Proxies of individuality expand our hearts,
As we float through multitudinous atmospheres,
A friend drops in, we taste the music, sip beer,
As we float through multitudinous atmospheres,
Keys escape my purse, a new life to start,
A friend drops in, we taste the music, sip beer,
Proxies of individuality expand our hearts.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011


"I always try to balance the light with the heavy - a few tears of human spirit in with the sequins and the fringes." ~ Bette Midler

Idle melancholy. That's the mixed bag I have at the moment.  I can handle this better than the anxious uncertainty that has been haunting me the last few days. The general mood of me is such a delicate balance of all things currently affecting me and all things that have affected me, I'm never completely sure which grain of sand has disrupted the scales.

Balance. There is balance in this choppy sea I rock in. There is a peace about me at this very moment, that I'd do well to embrace. So, this is my embrace. In the end it will be okay. There are people in the world who may not understand or even like me, but they do love me. That's a sort of balance I can adjust my own internal love to.

Idle melancholy and mixed moments
Are better than anxiously haunting days.
The mood of me, a delicate tension.
Grains of sand fall and disrupt the scales.
Balance lies in this choppy sea I rock in.
There is a peace in this bay.
People loving me, try understanding, do.
A balance I adjust my own love to.

Monday, March 14, 2011


"And I've been walking 'round with memories way too long" ~ Iris DeMent

Days are tired and run into each other. I trip over them, not looking, just blindly getting through. The gems that are given me right now don't sparkle, but I know they will, soon. I'm happy to have them. They are my hope. They bring smiles to offset my empty tears. I'm not depressed exactly, just tired and anxious.

I don't think about him as often. His importance has fallen in the hierarchy of my thoughts. I escaped fairly unscathed this time. Aspirations of love, beautiful illusions though they are, can distort the reality of it. Time spent dreaming of someone who dreams of another is a bad habit that can be broken, a destructive game that can't be won, only walked away from.

I'm a walkin'.

Shatter inside.
Comfort found in space, time,  walking away.

Friday, March 11, 2011

Sick Beds

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." ~ David Grayson 

This entire week I have felt off. Monday was anxiety and confusion. Tuesday, anxiety, tears, growth, empathy, and by Wednesday, utter and entire physical and mental exhaustion. Thursday gave me the shakes and dizziness with Friday waking me up with the taste of bronchitis coming on. All this caused by lack of sleep with a touch of heartache.

Saying good-bye
Stomach churning
Eyes burning
Asking myself why

Wednesday, March 9, 2011


"Losing streaks are funny. If you lose at the beginning, you got off to a bad the middle of the season, you're in a the end, you're choking." ~ Gene Mauch

Dear You,

The last time I wrote, I was in a manic stupor of surging chemistry and then today I can barely hold my eyes open. My brain, rather than being smothered by euphoria, is choking on memories of you. I really wished you could have loved me. You were rather nice to have around.


Chemical reactions are all that we are.
Hold me tighter.
Open the sweet tides of you.
Kind of a dream.
Is that your name, Sandman?
Nice memories to numb me.
Go 'round my head.

Monday, March 7, 2011


"Everything is complicated; if that were not so, life and poetry and everything else would be a bore." ~ Wallace Stevens

Life is so outrageously complicated. The infinite possibilities of human relationships due to love, scorn, courtrooms, trust, fear, taxes, lust, hate, vacations, truth, lies, hairstyles, help, guilt, waistlines, etc. is complicated. I love and hate this journey that I'm on; but it's my journey and I'll take it.

Outrageously infinite
Fearing, hating, lying
Scorn, guilt, peace, calm
Loving, trusting, helping
Smoothly continuous

Sunday, March 6, 2011


"Accustom yourself continually to make many acts of love, for they enkindle and melt the soul." ~ Mother Teresa
you are
like nothing I’ve
ever experienced
sinfully angelic you melt
me sweet

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Expanded Awareness

"After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music." ~ Aldous Huxley

dancing happily inside my brain
a dozen new doors swing open before me.

words are waltzing across my body as
the pain of being birthed still lingers.

endearing. passionate. scarred.
disappointments swim in time with hopes.

his art bleeds.

happily confusion reigns here now while
sounds tap out a pattern in my flesh.


"I am simple, complex, generous, selfish, unattractive, beautiful, lazy and driven." ~ Barbra Streisand

The feelings are raw and intense. They always have been. While wine connoisseurs are born with a heightened palate and musicians with astute hearing, neurotics are born with extrasensory emotional sensitivities that can leave us disabled if we neglect or disown this very real part of ourselves.

Embrace it. The good, bad and ugly of it. Embrace the privileges it gives us. Acknowledge the bad for what it is, a severe allergic reaction to our environment; and when the ugly rears its face, respect its power and get help. Call a hot-line. Join an on-line support group. See your doctor. Take a few days to rest and get well. If at all possible surround yourself with trusted loved ones and if this isn't possible, then try to get out to a coffee shop or a park.

I'm finally learning to love all my endearing quirks rather than trying to keep them locked away in a closet while my soul slowly starts losing it's life line and depression is the only friend that sticks around.

No. It's much easier, just being me.

Was and will be,
Fitful emotions.
Neglect cripples a soul,
Embrace blessed privileges.
Environ allergies realized,
Patience and time dispel sinister spasms.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011


"As soon as you trust yourself, you will know how to live." ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

My ex-fiancée and I had a volatile relationship which my dreams usually reflect when he's in them. Last night was different. There was a distance between us in the dream, but also there was an unspoken commitment.

If the people in our dreams are actually a reflection of an aspect of ourselves, then I believe he might represent a side of me that is harsh, judgmental, and unforgiving. He usually leaves me for someone he's been having an affair with.

So, last night, in my dream, he came home when he was suppose to and we talked about our day. The conversation was strained, but there was an underlying trust.

Maybe I'm starting to trust myself a little. Nice.

Where was I to go?
To get away from the show
Of your ego.